Elizabeth Warren’s Wise Words

Massachusetts Democratic candidate for the Senate, and Harvard professor, Elizabeth Warren has such a great way of communicating, as proven by this simple, common sense statement. If she wins the Senate seat in 2012, I would put her on my short list for the presidential nomination in 2016. This is the kind of person we need representing the people of this country in order to restore confidence in our distrusted congress.

Stupid Product Labels

• “Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.” — In the information booklet.
• “Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” — On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
• “For external use only!” — On a curling iron.
• “Do not use in shower.” — On a hair dryer.
• “Do not use while sleeping.” — On a hair dryer.
• “Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.” — On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
• “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” — On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
• “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” — On an electric rotary tool.
• “Do not drive with sunshield in place.” — On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
• “Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.” — On an “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter.
• “Do not eat toner.” — On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
• “Not intended for highway use.” — On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
• “This product is not to be used in bathrooms.” — On a Holmes bathroom heater.
• “May irritate eyes.” — On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
• “Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.” — On a novelty rock garden set called “Popcorn Rock.”
• “Caution! Contents hot!” — On a Domino’s Pizza box.
• “Caution: Hot beverages are hot!” — On a coffee cup.
• “Caution: Shoots rubber bands.” — On a product called “Rubber Band Shooter.”
• “Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
• “Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.” — On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
• “Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.” — On a battery.
• “Warning: Do not use on eyes.” — In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
• “Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven.
• “For use on animals only.” — On an electric cattle prod.
• “For use by trained personnel only.” — On a can of air freshener.
• “Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.” — On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
• “Do not use as ear plugs.” — On a package of silly putty.
• “Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.” — On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
• “Warning: knives are sharp!” — On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
• “Not for weight control.” — On a pack of Breath Savers.
• “Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.” — On the label of a bottled drink.
• “Do not use intimately.” — On a tube of deodorant.
• “Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.” — On a box of rat poison.
• “Cannot be made non-poisonous.” — On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
• “Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.” — On a portable stroller.
• “Look before driving.” — On the dash board of a mail truck.
• “Do not iron clothes on body.” — On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
• “Do not drive car or operate machinery.” — On Boot’s children’s cough medicine.
• “For indoor or outdoor use only.” — On a string of Christmas lights.
• “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” — On a child sized Superman costume.
• “This door is alarmed from 7:00pm – 7:00am.” — On a hospital’s outside access door.
• “Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.” — On a sign at a railroad station.
• “Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.” — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.
• “Product will be hot after heating.” — On a supermarket dessert box.
• “Do not turn upside down.” — On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
• “Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame.” — On a lighter.
• “Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.” — On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
• “Not for human consumption.” — On a package of dice.
• “May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.
• “Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.” — In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
• “Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.” — From a manual for an SGI computer.
• “Warning: May contain nuts.” — On a package of peanuts.
• “Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
• “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
• “Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
• “Do not use orally after using rectally.” — In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
• “Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
• “Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch inflatable picture frame.
• “Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.
• “Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
• “Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.
• “For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.
• “Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless phone.
• “Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.
• “Do not wear for sumo wrestling.” — From a set of washing instructions.