Bill Maher Quotes

“Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.” – Bill Maher

“Between the obesity and the low test scores, you’ve got to ask yourselves the question ,’How fat and dumb do our kids have to get before our teachers stop having sex with them?”
–Bill Maher

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.” ― Bill Maher

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.” ― Bill Maher

“New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.” ― Bill Maher

“Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It’s nothing to brag about.” ― Bill Maher

“I wouldn’t touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can’t figure out how to make into a belt?” ― Bill Maher

“If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'” —Bill Maher