Life: A Short Synopsis

The Real McRib

McDonalds’ McRib and its cult-like following are back. It’s probably a blessing that the sandwich is only returning for a limited time, because if you knew about all the unpronounceable ingredients packed into the McRib, you might think twice about wolfing down the sauce-drenched “food.” Think you can stomach what’s inside? Read on and see.

At face value, the sandwich contains just pork, onions, and pickle slices slathered in barbecue sauce and laid out on a bun. But the truth is, there are roughly 70 ingredients. The bun alone contains 34. In addition to chemicals like ammonium sulfate and polysorbate 80, the most egregious may be azodicarbonamide — “a flour-bleaching agent most commonly used in the manufacturing of foamed plastics like gym mats the and the soles of shoes.” According to McDonald’s own ingredient list, the bun also includes calcium sulfate and ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, among other chemicals.

So what’s in the meat? Pig innards and plenty of salt. Typically, “restructured meat product” includes pig bits like tripe, heart, and scalded stomach. These parts are cooked and blended with salt and water to extract salt-soluble proteins, which act as a “glue” that helps bind the reshaped meat together.

Is it really bad for you? Well, it’s certainly not good for you. Though “slightly trimmer than the Big Mac,” which contains 540 calories and 29 grams of fat, the McRib, first introduced in 1982, still packs in 500 calories and 26 grams of fat. And despite its name, one thing you won’t find inside a McRib is bones. The absence of any detectable “rib” is what gives the unnutritious mush its “quirky sense of humor,” according to Marta Fearon, McDonald’s U.S. marketing director.

Jesus and Moses

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he grabbed the ipod docking station and speakers and put them in his bag her heard, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you just say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“Pretty much the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus.”

Pineapple Easy Slicer

If you love fresh pineapple, (and who doesn’t), you may be interested in the Pineapple Easy Slicer. Peeling pineapple wasn’t this easy before this Stainless Steel Pineapple Easy Slicer. It allows you to Peel, core, and make slices of an entire pineapple in just a few seconds. It’s simple and durable, made of stainless steel. You can make equally sized slices or rings of whole pineapple with a few twists of the wrist. BUY it here:

Rick Perry: Drunk, Stoned, or Simply Stupid?

Rick Perry often comes off as a bumbling, pissed off version of George Bush in debates, but in this speech he seems to be speaking with the insight and wisdom gained only from being stoned, or perhaps, tipsy.

Mugging for the crowd, giggling like a schoolgirl, and occasionally lisping or yelling out at the audience, the speech was, if nothing else, entertaining. But possibly not for the reasons the campaign might have hoped that it would be entertaining. It reeks of someone under the influence of the effects of substance abuse.

Perry spokesperson Mark Miner said the Governor was filled with passion about the issues. I wonder if that “passion” came on the rocks, or from a few too many bong hits?