Can We Live Without These Products?

Now here is one cute little sandwich plate that you might want to consider having in your collection. The Spreddy Bear Sandwich Plate is only $9.99 and will allow anyone to get creative while whipping up their very own collection of sandwiches. With the Spreddy Bear Sandwich Plate, you can place a dollop of peanut butter in one ear, while having a glob of jelly in the other ear. As for the bread, the answer is simple. All you need to do is place the bread right smack in the middle of the plate. It even comes with a smiling spoon spreader which can be used to help you spread all those favorite condiments around.

Give your clothes the finger, respectfully, with the Finger Hooks for only $6.99. Yes, you can have your very own house of horrors by installing Finger Hooks in each and every single room. The real life finger is very useful, being able to pick up objects, hold your cell phone, and even help feed you, so why not use a hook made to look like a finger to hang your jackets, hats, keys and scarves? Each set comes with four plastic hooks with a self-tapping screw attached to each one.

We’ve all heard someone say, “Such-and-such is the best thing since sliced bread”, but there are moments when you just want some butter on your toasted bread. But how many times have you found that the butter is just too cold to spread, which means you cannot end up with a nice spread of melted butter? Well, necessity being the mother of invention, we now have this heated butter knife. AA batteries located inside its handle will be able to heat up the knife to 110 degrees Fahrenheit, which is supposed to be the ideal temperature to provide a perfectly thin spread of butter across your toast.

If you are a parent who wants to know what your kid might look like with a mustache, then for $9.99 you can buy the Lil’ Shaver Mustache Pacifier to quell your curiosity. This will definitely get a lot of people laughing, not to mention it would make for a decent photo opportunity. Made out of silicone and being BPA-free, the Lil’ Shaver Mustache Pacifier is ideal for those aged anywhere from a week old to 6 months.

The iPhone is a cool smartphone, but if you want to make it even cooler, here is the $12.50 iPhone Fan, which is an ideal way to make it one of the more fantastic and refreshing products out there. That’s assuming you don’t mind walking around with a fan literally connected to the iPhone. There is no need to install any apps or perform any kind of setup. All you need to do is plug in your iPhone Fan, and you can start cooling yourself down in no time. Its soft foam blades will make sure no one gets injured in the process, and it will run for hours from the power of the iPhone’s battery.

Richard Mourdock: What a Bad Idea for the State of Indiana

If a worse candidate than Richard Mourdock has run for the U.S. Senate from Indiana in my lifetime, I can’t recall who it might have been. Mourdock, whose idea of political compromise is making his opponent agree with him, keeps digging a bigger hole on the subject of his indefensible approach to the Chrysler Bankruptcy. I’ve written on it before, so I’ll just give the abbreviated version of his misfeasance in the handling of the matter.

Mourdock, in his role as Indiana State Treasurer, invested Indiana money in junk Chrysler securities. In the meltdown in 2008, and into early 2009, Chrysler went under. The best deal on the table for secured creditors, like Indiana, was a government funded bankruptcy restructuring. All of the major creditors, with serious money on the table, agreed to the restructuring rather than the only alternative, liquidation.

Mourdock decided he was going to use Indiana’s position for a bit of political grandstanding, knowing full well by then that he was going to challenge Richard Lugar for the Republican Senate nomination in 2012. Through his actions, he portrayed Obama as a socialist for even considering bailing out Chrysler. He also repeatedly made the point that unions suck and union workers would get to keep their jobs if the bailout worked. That kind of thing.

So, he tried to sink the Chrysler deal. A deal that we see today had the result of keeping some good jobs in the Midwest. But, the unions were going to get something out of the deal, and President Obama was going to look like he was doing something. So Mourdock petitioned the courts to “kill the deal. He pled on behalf of a liquidation that would have given Indiana less money, but which would have given the unions nothing, while being politically harmful to President Obama. Now, today, he says vaguely that maybe some private financing was available that would’ve yielded more. But there wasn’t. Everybody but Richard Mourdock knows that. Chrysler had tried to secure a solid deal for years and, when the bankruptcy happened, credit markets were tighter than ever.

Flash forward to today. Why did Mourdock do this? Why, for the little people of course. He told the conservative political action committee that he fought the Chrysler bankruptcy to stop the bankruptcy court from taking the pensions of retired teachers and state troopers. “So that someone else can be given their assets,” he said. “It is the same tyrannical principle as in 1858.”

Got that? Obama saving Chrysler is just like slavery. Thank you, Richard Mourdock for saving us from the tyranny of a somewhat lesser return on a foolish investment that you had made in the first place. And now you think you have what it takes to be a United States Senator? I don’t think you’re qualified to on a local zoning commission or a school board.

Hallmark’s Pansy Card

Since 1916, Hallmark has turned out billions of greeting cards, but no single card has had the staying power of the legendary Pansy Card. It has been the king of the racks since its introduction.

Somehow the boringly bland card was an immediate hit from the very beginning, debuting for Mother’s Day in 1939. Kids plopped a hard-earned nickel down for the card as an expression of their love. More than seven decades later, you can still walk into a Hallmark store and buy the Pansy Card for a mere 99 cents.

The company didn’t begin keeping track of sales for individual cards until 1942, but in the years since, customers have bought more than 30 million Pansies.

So, what gives the card its power? The pleasant imagery and vague wording makes it suitable for almost any occasion. And we mean any occasion. Hallmark claims that in 1958, two men wandered into their corporate offices in Kansas City and asked the receptionist what she would recommend for a friend who was awaiting execution for murder. They walked away, quite satisfied, with the Pansy Card. No word as to how well it was received, however.

Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce was a world-renowned journalist, author, and cynic active in the last part of the 19th century into the first part of the 20th. Bierce had a sharp wit, and much like the even more famous, Mark Twain, he often used it to lampoon American culture. In 1911, he published The Devil’s Dictionary, a partial lexicon that sardonically gave new definitions to over 1000 words. Here are some of my favorites, and all are as spot on today as the day he published the book.

1. Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.

2. Achievement, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

3. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

4. Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

5. Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.

6. Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

7. Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think.

8. Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

9. Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth — two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

10. Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.

11. Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

12. Dentist, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

13. Destiny, n. A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure

14. Edible, n. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

15. Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

16. Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

17. Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.

18. Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

19. History, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

20. Hope, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one.

21. Imagination, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

22. Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.

23. Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

24. Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of human misunderstanding.

25. Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action…at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane.

26. Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

27. Money, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

28. Noise, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

29. Perseverance, n. A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

30. Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

31. Resident, adj. Unable to leave.

32. Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is too futile to go.

33. Rumor, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

34. Sauce, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted, a vice is renounced and forgiven.

35. Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

36. Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

37. To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

38. Ultimatum, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

39. Vote, n. A freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

40. Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Marriage, According to the Bible

We all know that there is marriage, and then there are other people’s interpretation of marriage that might not fit ours for religious or cultural reasons. Well, we’re in luck. The Bible can once again be called upon to clear up the issue of what constitutes a proper marriage. Save and print out this handy chart and the next time someone marries outside of these strictures, put this in their face and wag your finger at them.

Damn people and their non-traditional marriage ideas, anyway. This will show them.