The Gift Certificate

On his 74th birthday, a man received a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation that was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, ‘This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You take only teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’ When you do that, you will become manlier than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.”

The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until next full moon.”

The old man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, “What was the ‘1-2-3′ for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

The Earliest Known Christmas Dinner Menu

If the thought of planning Christmas dinner makes you nervous, be glad you weren’t born in the Renaissance. The earliest known published Christmas menu includes pork, beef, goose, lark, pheasant, venison, oysters, swan, woodcock, and “a kid with a pudding in his belly,” to name just a few.
This is according to The Accomplisht Cook, written by Robert May in 1660. May was an English chef who trained in France and cooked for nobility throughout his life. In a section titled “A bill of fare for Christmas Day and how to set the meat in order,” May suggests 39 dishes split over two courses, plus oysters, oranges, lemons, and jellies for dessert. The menu is surprising not only because of its size, but because it contains so many proteins—there are 11 different types of birds alone—and not much else. Well, unless you count pastry. There’s lots of pastry, too.

A BILL OF FARE FOR CHRISTMAS DAY AND HOW TO SET THE MEAT IN ORDER

Oysters
1. A collar of brawn [pork that is rolled, tied, and boiled in wine and seasonings].

2. Stewed Broth of Mutton marrow bones.

3. A grand Sallet [salad].

4. A pottage [thick stew] of caponets [young castrated roosters].

5. A breast of veal in stoffado [stuffed veal].

6. A boil’d partridge.

7. A chine (a cut of meat containing backbone) of beef, or surloin roast.
8. Minced pies.

9. A Jegote [sausage] of mutton with anchove sauce.

10. A made dish of sweet-bread

11. A swan roast.

12. A pasty of venison.

13. A kid with a pudding in his belly.

14. A steak pie.

15. A hanch of venison roasted.

16. A turkey roast and stuck with cloves.

17. A made dish of chickens in puff paste.

18. Two bran geese roasted, one larded [larding is inserting or weaving strips of fat in the meat, sometimes with a needle].

19. Two large capons, one larded.

20. A Custard.

THE SECOND COURSE FOR THE SAME MESS.
Oranges and Lemons

1. A young lamb or kid.

2. Two couple of rabbits, two larded.

3. A pig souc’t [sauced] with tongues.

4. Three ducks, one larded.

5. Three pheasants, 1 larded.

6. A Swan Pye [the showpiece: a pie with the dead swan’s head, neck, and wings sticking up from it].

7. Three brace of partridge, three larded.

8. Made dish in puff paste.

9. Bolonia sausages, and anchoves, mushrooms, and Cavieate, and pickled oysters in a dish.

10. Six teels, three larded.

11. A Gammon of Westphalia Bacon.

12. Ten plovers, five larded.

13. A quince pye, or warden pie [pears or quinces peeled and poached in syrup, then baked whole in a pie].

14. Six woodcocks, 3 larded.

15. A standing Tart in puff-paste, preserved fruits, Pippins, &c.

16. A dish of Larks. 

17. Six dried neats [calf] tongues

18. Sturgeon.

19. Powdered [salted] Geese.
Jellies.

Russia’s Stock Worth Less Than Five Company’s Value

Time Magazine announced Thursday that Google has just joined four other top US companies that are worth more than Russia’s entire stock market. As of December 18th, Russia’s stock market’s was valued at $325 billion — and still plummeting — while Google’s stock rose to $358.41 billion.
According to Online Investor, this puts Google at the bottom of a list that also includes (as of Dec. 18) the following five elite US companies:

Apple (AAPL): $654.63 billion.
Microsoft (MSFT): $388.82 billion.
Exxon Mobil (XOM): $377.72 billion
Berkshire Hathaway (BRK-A): $359.68 billion
Google (GOOG):  $358.41 billion

Apparently, the economic sanctions Obama imposed back in March to send a message about Russia’s actions in the Ukraine have begun to take effect. In addition, US companies like Google, and Microsoft (along with Adobe, which didn’t make the top five) hammered the last nail into the Russian economy’s proverbial coffin when they high-tailed it out of Russia.

99 Cheese Pizza

When it comes to topping your pizza with a little something extra, the possibilities are pretty much endless.

Case in point: the recently introduced Doritos Crust Pizza.

If you thought this was a game changer in the quest to create some truly over-the-top pies, brace yourself. Things are about to get a whole lot cheesier.

Melbourne-based chef Johnny di Francesco has just taken the phrase “extra cheese” to the extreme by creating a 99 cheese pizza. Yes, that’s right — 99 different types of cheese all on one single pie.

So what exactly inspires one to create a 99 cheese pizza?

For di Francesco the desire came from mastering something that no one had before.

To make this insane pizza, di Francesco melts 94 cheeses from across the globe together in one pot and then chills the concoction to form a solid cheese block that is used as the pizza’s base cheese.

Since 94 types of cheese could never be enough, he then tops the base with fior di latte, buffalo mozzarella, goat cheese, ricotta and some shaved raspadura for good measure.

For a closer look at the world’s cheesiest pizza, check out the photos below.

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Totally Useless Facts

It is impossible to lick your elbow


A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.


A shrimp’s heart is in it’s head.


People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you sneeze,your heart stops for a mili-second.


In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.


A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.


More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can’t vomit.


If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.


If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.


If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze, you might pop an eyeball out.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.


Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.


The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.


Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.


A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.


23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.


In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.


Most lipstick contains fish scales.


Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

A crocodile can’t move its tongue and cannot chew. Its digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nail.

Money notes are not made from paper, they are made mostly from a special blend of cotton and linen. In 1932, when a shortage of cash occurred in Tenino, Washington, USA, notes were made out of wood for a brief period.


The Grammy Awards were introduced to counter the threat of rock music.

In the late 1950s, a group of record executives were alarmed by the explosive success of rock ‘n roll, considering it a threat to “quality” music.

Tea is said to have been discovered in 2737 BC by a Chinese emperor when some tea leaves accidentally blew into a pot of boiling water. The tea bag was introduced in 1908 by Thomas Sullivan of New York.


Over the last 150 years the average height of people in industrialised nations has increased about 4 inches. In the 19th century, American men were the tallest in the world, averaging 5’6′′. Today, the average height for American men is 5’7′′, compared to 5’8′′ for Swedes, and 5’8.5′′ for the Dutch. The tallest nation in the world is the Watusis of Burundi.

In 1955 the richest woman in the world was Mrs. Hetty Green Wilks, who left an estate of $95 million in a will that was found in a tin box with four pieces of soap. Queen Elizabeth of Britain and Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands count under the 10 wealthiest women in the world.

Joseph Niepce developed the world’s first photographic image in 1827.

Thomas Edison and W K L Dickson introduced the film camera in 1894. But the first projection of an image on a screen was made by a German priest. In 1646, Athanasius Kircher used a candle or oil lamp to project hand-painted images onto a white screen.


In 1935 a writer named Dudley Nichols refused to accept the Oscar for his movie The Informer because the Writers Guild was on strike against the movie studios. In 1970 George C. Scott refused the Best Actor Oscar for Patton. In 1972 Marlon Brando refused the Oscar for his role in The Godfather.


The system of democracy was introduced 2,500 years ago in Athens, Greece. The oldest existing governing body operates in Althing in Iceland. It was established in 930 AD.


A person can live without food for about a month, but only about a week without water.

Mormon Magic Underwear For the Masses

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The company was founded by a formon (former Mormon) named Ann Jackson who was married as a teenager and has since divorced and left the faith — she’ll sell “temple garments” (AKA “magic Mormon underwear”) to anyone who wants ‘em, and promises that none of the profits go to the LDS.

Mormon’s Secret is the first and only site in the world selling real Mormon underwear (temple garments) to all adults, regardless of their religious affiliation.  For the first time in history, online shoppers can purchase these magical temple garments without first joining the Mormon church and giving up 10% of their income in tithes. Our goal is to make “magical” underwear available to the masses for use as costume wear, fetish wear, and all your kinky, dress-up needs.
 
WHAT MAKES YOUR UNDERWEAR REAL?
All of our garments follow the authentic Mormon patterns, heirloom stitching techniques, and traditional Masonic symbols hand-sewn on each garment. The underwear are available in both tops and bottoms, and come in both cotton and mesh fabrics for men, as well as a spanx-like cotton-spandex blend for women. Surprisingly, there is no such thing as kosher Mormon underwear. None of the religious groups that make and distribute temple garments go through a consecration or blessing process. The Mormon Church’s secret for making magic underwear is part pattern and part recipe. So to sum it up, our Mormon underwear are as magical as you can get! Our garments even come packaged with a satirical yet accurate description of the actual Mormon underwear initiation ritual that includes nudity, biblical references, and magical expectations.